Envy, Gluttony, and the American Spirit of Hoarding

Thanks to traditional American values, the art of acquiring music gear in hopes of inspiring the creative muse, has been refined into a glorious form of gluttony.  I'm still scratching my head at the hard left turn that I took somewhere along the way in which my love of music transformed into brazen hoarding.  In an attempt to debug this debacle, I have come to three conclusions:

1)  Simple needs transform into overkill

2)  Pedalboard envy (similar to another type of male envy)

3)  Chemical imbalance within my brain

Since #3 is obvious, I was left with scrutinizing #1 and #2.  The first conclusion seems a no-brainer, but is the result of search for a simple tremolo turning into owning the latest Strymon spaceship with MIDI capabilities.  My search always starts out the same, locating a couple units within my budget and within specific guidelines.  Next comes the reviews, because buying something without reading a review is downright silly.  Some are more helpful, but some turn out like as such:

So let's break this down.  The OP (operational poster-child) wants a slapback delay in the range of $50 - $70.

So logically, an online humanoid recommends a $150 delay.

...followed by a $200+ recommendation....

Again, most people would ignore this advice.

The final and most common diagnosis I have made about excessive gear purchasing, is what I like to call Pedalboard Envy.  It comes from seeing a fellow musician's gear online, in a studio, or in the bathroom (a quick glance never hurt anybody).  There's something that's aesthetically pleasing about the brightly colored boxes and lacquer sprayed guitars we all seem to lust after.  In frequent cases, it's subliminal.  For example, this morning while drinking my sewage water store brand coffee, I came across a video on the Moog site of Helado Negro and Tom Selleck locking themselves in a studio for two days.  As in most situations, the result was pre marriage conception, and the slippery birth of a song.


Shaking Through: Helado Negro from Weathervane Music on Vimeo.

As I watched the video, I began meticulously scheming all of the delicious Moog products and CV routing options displayed before me.  I've always been cursed with the affliction of Moog lust.  Beautiful stained wood panels, with matte black finished aluminum housing.  And the knobs, OH! THE KNOBS!  After loading up my credit card with a Voyager XL, Taurus, two of every Moogerfooger, and overnight shipping, I realized I had just fallen into the clandestine trap of Pedalboard envy, of Tom Selleck.

Tom has apparently been using the pseudonym "Mikael Jorgensen".

It's best to be aware of these problems when buying gear.  You'll thank me later when you're selling off half your stuff to pay for your divorce.


- Stonewall