Envy, Gluttony, and the American Spirit of Hoarding

Thanks to traditional American values, the art of acquiring music gear in hopes of inspiring the creative muse, has been refined into a glorious form of gluttony.  I'm still scratching my head at the hard left turn that I took somewhere along the way in which my love of music transformed into brazen hoarding.  In an attempt to debug this debacle, I have come to three conclusions:

1)  Simple needs transform into overkill

2)  Pedalboard envy (similar to another type of male envy)

3)  Chemical imbalance within my brain

Since #3 is obvious, I was left with scrutinizing #1 and #2.  The first conclusion seems a no-brainer, but is the result of search for a simple tremolo turning into owning the latest Strymon spaceship with MIDI capabilities.  My search always starts out the same, locating a couple units within my budget and within specific guidelines.  Next comes the reviews, because buying something without reading a review is downright silly.  Some are more helpful, but some turn out like as such:

So let's break this down.  The OP (operational poster-child) wants a slapback delay in the range of $50 - $70.

So logically, an online humanoid recommends a $150 delay.

...followed by a $200+ recommendation....

Again, most people would ignore this advice.

The final and most common diagnosis I have made about excessive gear purchasing, is what I like to call Pedalboard Envy.  It comes from seeing a fellow musician's gear online, in a studio, or in the bathroom (a quick glance never hurt anybody).  There's something that's aesthetically pleasing about the brightly colored boxes and lacquer sprayed guitars we all seem to lust after.  In frequent cases, it's subliminal.  For example, this morning while drinking my sewage water store brand coffee, I came across a video on the Moog site of Helado Negro and Tom Selleck locking themselves in a studio for two days.  As in most situations, the result was pre marriage conception, and the slippery birth of a song.


Shaking Through: Helado Negro from Weathervane Music on Vimeo.

As I watched the video, I began meticulously scheming all of the delicious Moog products and CV routing options displayed before me.  I've always been cursed with the affliction of Moog lust.  Beautiful stained wood panels, with matte black finished aluminum housing.  And the knobs, OH! THE KNOBS!  After loading up my credit card with a Voyager XL, Taurus, two of every Moogerfooger, and overnight shipping, I realized I had just fallen into the clandestine trap of Pedalboard envy, of Tom Selleck.

Tom has apparently been using the pseudonym "Mikael Jorgensen".

It's best to be aware of these problems when buying gear.  You'll thank me later when you're selling off half your stuff to pay for your divorce.


- Stonewall

Controlling the Insatiable Lust: Delay

Due to the growing pedalboard envy (similar to the other type of male envy) of the middle class bedroom guitarist, planks of wood covered in shiny colored boxes have grown to substantial sizes.  It has become a trend for guitarists to spew forth boastful prophecies of the unlimited capabilities of their new noise making spaceships.  Forums once dedicated to making fun of Eric Clapton's latest haircut, are now flooded with threads variably titled "Is X or Y Delay Better For My Niche Use Of It?"  On a few occasions, I have spotted pedalboards in the wild that are completely covered in 5-6 Echo devices.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, no one will never need that much delay.  Ever.  *waits*


Now that all the Coldplay fans have angrily tightened their scarves and left the room.  If you've got that many echo boxes on a pedalboard, you've either:  A) wasted a lot of money, or B) don't leave the house. Most "textural" guitarists would argue this with me, but I would simply counter-question them if they can actually make a record or move out of their mother's basement.  Every time I read that someone is "needing" a delay for a specific niche function, my brain immediately assumes they are too lazy to bend over and turn a knob.

With that much echo or reverb EVERYTHING SOUNDS THE SAME.  Congratulations, you've made a post rock song, now make another that doesn't sound just like it.  Reverb and Echo can be useful to create depth if you're clever.  Ever notice how dry everything on a Radiohead record is?

 Listen to Thom's voice (pronounced th - Ah - m)  around 1:00.  Next listen around 2:03 for when echo is used on his voice.  It's very subtle but it sounds huge.  Why?, because it's not clashing with all that useless noise you've already made.  As much as we all dream, not everyone can be Ed O'Brien and get paid to stand around, tap delays, and do nothing.

"What key are we in guys?!?!?"

So when you're trying to decide how to fit your M13, Timeline, Timefactor, and Space all on your Pedaltrain Supreme, just remember, you're probably making whale sounds.  So, please stop.  One of the turning points for me in using delay was limiting myself to one that has a limited range (DM3, Maxon AD9) and seeing what cool things I can do with it.  Long quarter notes echoes are boring, and dotted 8th delays should be left to the Edge/P&W guitarists.


You may be asking yourself, "So now that he's trashed everyone, what does he use?".  Well to answer your question:  3 Echoplex's with a single tape being strung through all of the units (counts as one long delay), and a spring reverb tank which I have replaced the stock springs with slinkys.

(I'm just kidding, it's only a double.  The third was photoshopped)

- Stonewall