(Disclaimer:
I will say this, I did not work on commission. Most people never believed me when I told them, but I never got an extra dime for selling a Squier Bullet or an R9. When I was being helpful it was for personal satisfaction. Maybe that would've changed my outlook on this? Doubtfully.)
If They Put in the Time, Give Them the Dime
This really should go without saying, yet, you would be surprised how many braggarts would do this to a salesman or a store. A good salesman will be able to "feel you out" (a mental version of feeling you up) and see if you prefer to be walked through your purchase, or if you like to be left alone with your own disgusting thoughts to make up your mind. If a salesman gives you excellent service and answers all of your questions (correctly) or gives you a great deal, don't be a prick and buy it somewhere else. (Example below) However, if you have to buy something online from your favorite store, but need to try something out locally, try not to waste people's time. I strongly recommend buying locally, but you do what you gotta do.
Example:
Customer X walks in. Says he wants a Multi FX processor because he plays in a cover band and needs lots of swirly wiggly sounds. X wants something decent, so he's willing to spend extra the nickels for it. I give him three choices because I don't want to sell him more than he needs, but also give him a quality piece of equipment. X begins to take interest in the Line 6 M13 spaceship I've shown him. Now X wants to give the unit a go (also known as third base with the ladies). I get him all plugged in, show him the basics of editing and saving presets, then cut him loose on it. Soon a plethora of delayed arpeggios, warm wiggly vibrato sounds, and perplexing ring modulant sounds fill the air. I return to customer X who's grinning from ear to ear. X excitedly asks me if this has the ability to switch his amp channels (X owns a mystical MIDI controlled H&K amp) so he can just bring one piece of gear to a gig and be done. Since I don't know, I tell X that I will do my best to find out. I find my Line 6 support number and wheel it in to my rotary phone. After a disgusting wait, question answered (finally), I return to X telling him the good news, that the M13 spaceship will do what he wants. We start talking price. Although there aren't any sales going on at the store, I snip some off that price tag for X, because he's a gigging musician like myself. X tells me he's going to the bank to get a check cashed for the device. I'm proud because I've sold a Line 6 spaceship, and fulfilled another customers needs. Not long after he leaves, the phone rings and the caller ID displays "Evil Empire" (GC). I answer the phone, and I am greeted by the grunting of some form of chimpanzee pretending to a customer, asking me what my bottom dollar is for a M13 spaceship. I give him a clever answer that gives our pretend customer a go around (I know it's him because he's called before with the same clever pseudonym). I'm suspicious of X, but I know he'll come back because I occasionally have faith in humankind (no more). The day ends, X never comes back. I see X a few weeks later when he pops back into the store. After some small talk, I come to find he cashed his check, and took his filthy money to the Evil Empire and purchased the M13 spaceship for the same price I quoted him. Wonderful.
Research and Compromise
Most intelligent humanoids research the value of their gear before they perform a trade-in, to protect themselves from getting a thumb in their tush. There are smart ways, and there are idiotic ways of doing this.
Idiotic Way: Doing a generic Google or eBay search, finding the highest price listed, and assuming that's the value.
Stonewall's Way: Looking your item up on eBay and one other source (TGP, Blue Book, Online Used Gear Retailer), clicking on "Completed Listings", and finding an average sale value for the instrument.
Why is this important? There's nothing more frustrating for both parties, than for some moron to bring his old Kay archtop with a broken bridge in, and demand $500 in trade because "Jack White played this same guitar in some YouTube video that they saw". So please, keep cretinism within the walls of your own home.
The next step is to understand that 90% of the time, you're not going to get that value. Why? The store will want to sell it for that value, meaning they need to give you less in order to make something called "profit". "Blasphemy!" you say to me. Well guess what, you just failed Stonewall's Business 101 course. So what does it mean then? Should we all just start throwing our old sh*% away? No. The next step is to see if they can work on the other end of the deal and clip some off the price of what you want to buy. From here on out you will have to use your own defective judgement to decide yea or nay. If you can't fork it over, you'll have to try your hand at selling or consigning. In most cases, I personally say to hell with it and do the trade in.
Don't Be a Fart
This one's short and sweet. It's fine to kill an hour or so at a guitar store. But don't waste people's time pretending to buy something if you're not. If the store isn't busy, use your own discretion. However, staying from open til close is like lingering flatulence, no one's enjoying it and you can't pretend you didn't do it. One last thing, the items at a music store aren't yours yet. So it's fine to try high dollar guitars out, but don't bring your crafted lead guitar pick and your hammer hands and bang on stuff. That's just rude. I don't go to your house and rub my hairy chest all over your pillows, so stop, or I will.
Remember, a music store isn't a grocery store or a gas station. You don't go to it because it's a chore or because you simply have to, you go to it because it's an enjoyable place.
- Stonewall
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